If you told me that in 2019 the government would have been shutdown for over 20 days because of the wall funding AND that Clemson not only won the Championship BUT the President of the United States would serve them McDonalds, Wendys. Burger King and Pizza Hut…I would not have believed you. Its straight up, like an article from theonion
Imagine winning the championship and you’re invited to the white house only to walk into the room to find cold fast food had been served. I mean COME ON
They’ve got fine china and this poor guy is struggling to pick up a piece of pizza with…tongs. THEY DIDN’T EVEN TAKE ANYTHING OUT OF THE BOX
At the same time this is sad, disrespectful and trashy but like…I find it hilarious that this even happened.
EDIT: I CAN’T BREATHE THEY PUT THE PACKETS OF SAUCES IN THESE FANCY DISHES
his big brag for this one was he “paid for all the food himself” because the white house cooks are furloughed (because of him you know) but are you telling me that this dude who is supposedly a billionaire couldnt afford to pay a few chefs for the night? my dude that is fucked
Is The Onion still in business because the world is one major shitpost already. What are they gonna do? Write real news?
it amuses me to see people being surprised/impressed/amused by this setup, because it’s extremely common on the plains. if you don’t plant a windbreak, your heating and cooling bills are huge, and storms do things like throw the lawnmower through the living room window, take the roof off, or cake the entire north side of the house with six inches of solid ice.
evergreens remain bendy even in the coldest weather, so – wait, no, not the coldest. i remember when i was a kid it got down to like -45 and the norway pines around my house were cracking like gunshots as the sap froze.
maples, incidentally, make that noise around -20f, and i hear it at least once every winter here in southern minnesota. but i only ever heard norway pines make it that one time.
so anyway that’s why we plant pine trees around our houses. because otherwise the wind would freaking kill us.
This is informative and perfectly sensible under the circumstances but I also cannot resist the temptation to compare it to planting stuff all around the boundary of your lot in The Sims
my brother is getting married and i’m so excited to fulfill my destiny as the embarrassing drunk gay sister who flirts with the bride for the entire ceremony
i’m gonna yell “RUN AWAY WITH ME” to her during the vows
there are people out there genuinely worried that I’m gonna steal my brother’s bride away the day of their wedding… i’m laughing. I’ve known her since I was born, we just love annoying the shit out of my brother and this “you picked the wrong sibling” joke has been going on for as long as I can remember. The whole family is in on it. The three of us are super close, she’s always been family. Also we are really bad at romantic weddings (my Mom wore jeans at my Dad’s and hers, signed a bunch of papers and then got blackout drunk), and my brother and his girlfriend probably won’t even have a “real” ceremony, just a celebration between friends and family. I love my brother and he already knows I’m gonna pull some stupid stunt, it’s what we do. His girlfriend is usually the one to initiate these shitty jokes, I wouldn’t be surprised if she was the one to stop the “ceremony” to say some shit like “WAIT THIS IS THE WRONG SIBLING”. please don’t take any of this seriously lmao
that said, i’m definitely showing up half naked to her bachelorette party as the “surprise stripper” with a sash that says “the sibling your should be marrying” and a shitty plastic tiara
UPDATE:
1) for people confused about the “I’ve known her since I was born (…) she’s always been family”: She’s the granddaughter of our parents’ neighbors, we all grew up together and my brother and her have been in love since they were babies. He held her hand as she made her first steps, they even have a picture on their wall of the moment before she first tried to get up
2) IT’S OFFICIAL, I’M GONNA BE MY BROTHER’S BEST MAN. AND YOU KNOW WHAT THE BEST MAN DO? A SPEECH. Everything is going according to plan.
I forgot to update this post. Probably because THESE TWO SNAKES GOT MARRIED BEHIND EVERYONE’S BACK, JUST THE TWO OF THEM, AND DIDN’T TELL ANYONE. Aka, there was no ceremony. They just went and signed a piece of paper on their own. Like I said, we aren’t big on Flashy And Romantic Weddings in this family. BUT STILL, I WAS ROBBED OF MY BIG MOMENT.
That said, they still hosted a gigantic party with friends and both families with like 100 people and a good 100 bottles of champagne & 100 more of wine (we’re French, don’t judge us). A lot of food, too. And a lot of food means a lot of napkins. And a lot of napkins means I could spend the entire night writing down my phone number on them and keep obnoxiously slipping them into the bride’s hands, pockets, plate, glass, collar etc while mouthing “call me” and doing the phone hand-motion. Which she obnoxiously answered with a fake-fanning hand motion and a wink every time, btw. My own Mother slipped her a napkin on my behalf at one point, too. My brother ripped every single napkins in half. After roughly 18 times of what was probably the most annoying running gag of all time, my brother finally decided to put me in a headlock.
Anyway, these two are still disgustingly, infuriatingly, madly in love, everyone was piss drunk and we all lived happily ever after,
I have a headcanon that Hermione insists her children attend some primary muggle schooling before Hogwarts, just as she had done. Now, imagine Arthur Weasley attending his grandchild’s science fair, being the ultra proud grandfather….and yet also completely geeking out over absolutely EVERYTHING.
Canon
“That is a volcano, that is a VERY SMALL VOLCANO, how - young lady, how did you make this? Baking soda and food coloring? MARVELOUS!”
the kids would love him.
Never have I ever loved anything more than I love this
All the muggle teachers would think he was being so adorable, “pretending” not to know how potato batteries and mini-volcanoes work, fawning over the hard work the kids did on even the simplest the projects. And he comes every year, because after the kids have aged out (”gone on to some boarding school in Scotland,” the teachers say over bad coffee in the break room, “they didn’t seem the type”), he gets an honorary invitation to the fair every year, because he never stops making the kids feel smart and good.
where a superhero has a friend who is their ride. like even the villains respect it, because the friend is like the most normal and nice person ever
“that’s claire, she drove me here”
*claire waves from a prius*
“will you need a lift back?”
“no, have fun on your date”
the being of interdimensional destruction:. c̗͎̲̲̞͍͚̓̏̑̀̍̎͡l̬̫̭͈̙̥͈̯͈̣͐̓͗͡͞à̗̱̻̱̤̪̳̍̈̓̉̈̾͗͜͡͡ͅi̶̹̙̯͕͈̱̖͗̈͊̉̿̔̒͠r̪̞͉̻̖͔̱̃́̆̽̂͑͂͘͜͟ȩ̴̡̘̻̥͚̣͐̉̏͆͠ i̢͈̣͙̼͒̑̌̃̈́͗̂͂̈́s̷̙̹͚̝͈̟̝̙̈́̇͋̀͋͂̌͘ d̛̻̞̥͇͎̝̰͐̽̒̄̓̂͟ä̴̬̝͈̼̩̭̦͓́̍̑͂̀̀̅̆̆͜͠t͎̼̭͍̜͍͂͌̍̏̚̚͞͡į̴͕̞̺̤̥̟̻̲̽͊̂̔̃͡ņ̴̢͔̹̫̲̮̩̃̈́͛̊̓͡͝g̛̪̗̜̝̹͉̠̞͉͂͂̀̉̽̇͊͢͝͡ ȧ͎̰̜̱̰͛͒̇̋͠g̴̢̞̳͈͇̩͈̻̃̎͑͆̈́̒̀͝ͅa̛̰̲̗̼̗̳̫̩̖͒́͒̔̃ǐ̛̺̗̯̰̳̟̣̓̿̐͛̋͊̕n̶͓̟͚̦̔̎̓̿̏͢͝͝?̵̺̬̜̝̗͖̣̑̏̂͠͠͠
